Many of the differences between males and females are common to nearly all mammals. Males are on average larger than females — and more aggressive. Males are inclined to fight with each other and to attempt to copulate with as many females as possible. Human males are more cooperative than males of most other mammals, however. Human females are even more cooperative than human males, having less drive to dominate and more inclination to nurture. Females babies reflexively smile to an extent not seen in male babies.

Historically, males have sought & held power in most societies. This power has been political & economic. Women have power too, although it is less often acknowledged. In civilized society women are not the property of the strongest males. Women inherit most of the wealth. Women have the power to reject the sexual advances of men. Rape is not permitted in civilized society.

The industries of pornography & prostitution indicate broad differences in the sexual positions of men & women. To some, these industries symbolize the economic power of men and the capacity of men to treat women as commercial objects. To others, these industries demonstrate the sexual neediness & sexual scarcity experienced by men. Men have emotions and men fear sexual rejection by women (women's power). In the market for sex, men are overwhelmingly the buyers and women are the sellers — although some male strip clubs for women do exist.

Sex for women is more often associated with reproduction, in contrast to men for whom sex is most often associated with pleasure.

An attractive woman is like a lion trainer with a whip in a cage of lions. The trainer has power as long as the whip is not dropped. An attractive woman can enjoy arousing men and can dress provocatively to increase that arousal — resulting in more attention, gifts & favors. But in the wrong situation or with the wrong man an attractive woman can experience aggression, rape or worse. Sometimes women are blamed for provocative dressing & actions, but if men are not to be regarded as animals they must always be held accountable for their conduct. A robber must be blamed for robbing, even when the victim must be held accountable for lack of caution or for entering the robber's domain (dark alleys at night).

Males in general have less stringent requirements for the relationships they have with sexual partners. Females are less likely to seek or enjoy sex that is not in the context of a loving relationship. A woman must be more sure of her sexual partner because being less muscular she is more in danger of being overpowered. Culturally, a man who has many sexual partners is respected by both men & women, whereas a woman who has many sexual partners may be condemned by both men & woman. A man's sexual vitality is respected more than a woman's.

Male homosexuals have no difficulty — and typically enjoy (where the danger of disease can be avoided) sex with great frequency and with a wide variety of other men. Lesbians usually have one faithful mate and typically have sex much less frequently. These phenomena would make it appear that in general males have a greater sex drive. But the vulnerability, both physical and social, which surrounds female sexuality makes it hard to say how strongly it could be expressed in a safer social milieu. That there are many women with an strong desire-for and appreciation-of sex cannot be questioned. Comparable to the pornography industry there is a vast industry in romantic novels — many of which are quite lusty — mostly read by women. These phenomena may simply reflect the fact that men are more visual and women are more verbal.

Women are certainly sensitive to visual appearance or they would not devote so much attention to fashion & cosmetics — much of which is intended to impress other women. Women can enjoy the attention they garner from men by sexy dress & appearance while sometimes being naive about the passions being evoked. Naive young women have been surprised at having been raped as a result of their innocent attention-seeking. Women do not wear low-cut dresses exposing cleavage because they are in need of ventilation — they enjoy watching male eyes wander below the neckline.

In no area of life are the issues of normal & perverse more central than in the area of sexuality. For those who hunger-for and are capable-of social acceptability, a normal manifestation of sexuality is a holy grail. Fulfillment of normal sexual desires in the normal way means success & self-esteem. Those who cannot accept or adapt to wider cultural norms either find acceptance in a subculture or resort to hidden private practices (although few sexual practices are truly public).

To contrast perversion with normality does not answer the question of what perversion is or what the defining criteria of perversion are. A person who fails to achieve normal sexual fulfillment may be subnormal or abnormal rather than perverse. About 10% of women have never had an orgasm, and many more have difficulty achieving orgasm. Women more easily achieve orgasm with female partners than with male partners.

I have met a heterosexual man who was unable to have an orgasm except by masturbation. Another man I once met was baffled by the fact that he had no sexual feeling whatsoever.

Perversion cannot be defined on the basis of unnaturalness of behavior. Anal intercourse or sex between an animal and a person are natural in the sense of not violating any law of nature — nature gives people the means to do these things. Nor is cultural censure of a behavior a sufficient criterion for perversion because murder is a censured behavior even though a murderer is not regarded as a pervert. Aesthetic revulsion is close to a criterion for perversion, but even this fails for the case of a person who never bathes — who is regarded as disgusting, but not perverted.

To be called perverted a behavior must be both an expression of a sexual desire and be offensive. Offensivity is both a personal and a cultural phenomenon. Homosexuality (even homosexual pedophilia) was reputedly a normal part of life in ancient Greece — part of how young men learned. More commonly, male homosexuality has been regarded as a perversion. In particular, male homosexuality has been especially offensive/threatening to males. In 19th century England male homosexuality was illegal and harshly punished, but the law was silent on female homosexuality. Homosexuality is increasingly accepted as normal in North America & Europe — a cultural shift — even though most heterosexual males probably feel some discomfort or awkwardness in connection with it.

Although the judgement of perversion is largely based on aesthetic grounds, aesthetic revulsion is mixed with moral condemnation. As homosexuality is increasingly regarded as something innate — like type 1 diabetes — it cannot be a matter of moral responsibility. Homosexuals discover their sexual identity rather than choose it. By contrast, pedophilia is regarded as perverted more on moral grounds than on aesthetic. Having sex with an animal is the converse — the offense is more aesthetic than moral. Necrophilia is offensive in a peculiar way that is more aptly described as "eerie weirdness" than aesthetic or moral.

Fetishism is perhaps the least offensive of perversions. It is normal to be erotically aroused by sexy dresses and negligee. To be unable to experience erotic arousal without negligee would seem more abnormal than perverted. By contrast, a person who smears feces on a partner in order to be erotically aroused would seem perverted.

Exhibitionism & voyeurism manifest feelings that seem normal or perverse depending on the context. For a woman to wear a sexy dress — or even to strip on stage — would be regarded as normal exhibitionism. For a woman to expose genitals in a public place would seem abnormal (and is rarely heard-of). For a man to do the same seems perverted. The distinction lies in the offensiveness associated with male aggressiveness. Peeping is regarded as a cowardly form of male perversion. If women have the urge to peep they are more likely to do so by changing diapers. For a woman to dress in a way to expose cleavage is normal. In almost all activities related to sex, a man's motivations are viewed with far more suspicion than a woman's.

Bondage and even sado-masochistic practices have increasingly gained acceptance as not being perverted when performed between consenting adults. Bondage can be a means whereby many people can deal with power & guilt issues. A person can display trust and provide a feeling of safety by allowing themselves to be tied-up. Or being tied-up can be a means of experiencing sex in a way that abdicates the sense of guilt that might accompany freedom & responsibility.

That bondage usually involves a pretending of non-consent has much in common with many sadomasochistic practices. In most sadomasochistic practice the partners not only pretend that bondage is non-consensual, they pretend that physical abuse is non-consensual. "Safe" words are a protective device for preventing fantasy from drifting into an unpleasant reality. Spanking, for example, is not really painful when done in a restrained manner to the buttocks. Spanking becomes a means of playfully experiencing power or surrender to power.

The pleasures of sadomasochism can extend into regions of real pain, discomfort & humiliation — which may be fetishistically pleasurable. During sexual arousal some things that might otherwise be painful (such as the application of ice) can be pleasurable. But some people will allow themselves to endure real pain or humiliation if they feel the pleasure or rewards of a relationship still outweigh the benefits. A person may endure cruel treatment or even beatings for the sake of love or hot sex. In some cases the treatment is a cost paid for a rewarding relationship, in some cases it adds " spice" — or there may be a confusing mixture.

As society becomes increasingly tolerant of sexual practices that have no victim, the number of "normal" choices for manifesting sexual feelings increases. Masturbation, exhibitionism, oral-genital sex, genital-anal sex, homosexuality, bisexuality, polyamory and even bondage or sadomasochistic games are practices that have moved (or are moving) from being regarded as perversions to being accepted as varieties of normal sexual expression. Reflection on these practices shifts from why they might be regarded as perversions to why people choose one practice over another — and what the choices mean.

Attempts to understand the relation of ego to sex underscores the key issues in the concept of ego. For some people their ego is primarily associated with how they are viewed by society at large, others are more concerned about their peers (or subculture), others are primarily concerned about how their significant-other regards them and for some a sense of self-worth is what is most important. People are often neither clear nor honest about these distinctions. People who are most adament that they "do not care about what people think" are often the very ones most sensitive to public opinion. Not only do they intensely care what others think, they don't want it known that they care and may not even admit it to themselves. Many find shame in admitting emotional dependence upon the judgements of others and their ego is attached to their self-image of being emotionally autonomous.

Sexual ego has many possible attachments — the ability to have a mate or sexual partners others (and/or self) find desirable, the ability to have children, the ability to give sexual pleasure to a partner and an appearance of sexual attractiveness. The public display of sexual success is a kind of exhibitionism, although the word "exhibitionism" is usually restricted to body displays. But where peer-group attachments are strong, sexual partners & sensual experience can be secondary to the value of "wait until I tell the guys" (or show the gals). A sexual ego status-seeker may be unable to "get it up" (have an erection) because erotism is not his real motivation or objective.

Some sexual partners are not prepared to deal with hearing that their sexual performance is less than spectacular. In such cases, ego is a real barrier to communication, mutual learning and an improved sexual relationship. Rather than being open to suggestions as to how to make things better, such partners will be uncommunicative, deeply hurt and reluctant to participate in future sex. It may well be that the only way to deal with such partners is polite silence or even reassuring words or actions — hopefully in a way that will open the door for future communication.

Female body exhibitionism intended for an audience of other women tends to stress elegant clothing and fashion, whereas exhibitionism intended to arouse male attention & interest stresses more erotically revealing clothing. Women often arch their chest to make their breasts more prominent. When the audience is female the exhibitionism is an end in itself, whereas when the audience is male the exhibitionism may or may not be a means to an end. Women often use sexual attraction when the real intention is "bait-and-switch" — meaning the woman may have little or no interest in sex, but be seeking attention for its own sake, a companion, economic support or father for her child. Of course, many women who have these objectives may much enjoy sex as well.

There is male body exhibitionism associated with dress & body sculpturing (creating a muscular body at the gym), but the term "exhibitionism" most commonly refers to men exposing their penis. If there were no women who enjoyed penis display there would be no incentive for men to do it. But even for women who enjoy seeing men expose themselves, when it is done unexpectedly in a private place by a stranger, concern for safety can make the experience frightening.

Sex can profoundly impact a person's sense of self-worth. It is common to dismiss the shallow machismo of men who pride themselves on their sexual accomplishment ("conquests"). But the achievement of a sexual liaison can produce a profound sense of pride, especially after an experience of frustration, failure & humiliation.

People who master sex manuals and are obsessed with sexual technique can also have a strong element of pride associated with sex. Of course good sexual techniques can add a great deal to the pleasure of sex. But for many people, impressing their partner with technical prowess takes precedence over purely sensual enjoyment.

Sexual technicians are often a subcategory of those who have a need to be in control (of themselves, of their partner & of the situation) at all times. People who are unwilling-to — or afraid-of — loss of control are lacking in trust. Such people miss much spontaneity & fun — and may find it difficult to be sensitive & responsive to their partner. Too much lack of control, however, could lead to unwanted pregnancies or venereal disease for those who cannot resist the temptation to experience the intense pleasures of sex without a condom.

Sexual situations are like many social situations insofar as they can arouse considerable anxiety. The partner may not be a trusted friend or the partner is loved, but not trusted to make kindly judgements if sexual performance is not up to "standard". Sex may be attempted as an effort to fulfill social expectations rather than be driven by genuine sexual desire. Under such conditions men fail to get erections and women fail to have orgasms.

The pleasure of sex can be a powerful narcotic — like heroin for a heroin-addict. People often sacrifice their lives to obtain this substance — taking on debt, responsibility and a dead-end job to sustain a life which provides sexual gratification. When one partner has a higher sex drive than the other, the partner with the least sex-drive can deliver sex in carefully metered doses as a means of controlling the behavior of their mate — if there are no other factors to tip the balance of power in the other direction. A sexually indifferent woman can passively accept sex, but a sexually indifferent man leaves his woman out-in-the cold.

Women sometimes have fantasies of being raped. In their fantasies the rapist is an attractive & powerful man driven by lust. As in bondage, the woman is absolved from guilt or responsibility for the act, while at the same time feeling the pleasure of being the object of intense desire. Most women are sensible enough to know that real rape is often committed by men they would find physically repulsive and carries the terrifying risk of beating, mutilation or even murder.

I once had a neighbor who provided a home for mentally retarded adults. One woman in his charge would repeatedly go to the park where a rapist — the same man every time — would have sex with her and then beat her. Although the first occasions may have been a rape, subsequent experiences could not have been or she would not have repeatedly gone to the park knowing he would find her (she wasn't "that dumb"). According to my neighbor, she loved her "rapist" — love as an expression of gratitude because no one else had ever taken such a personal interest in her. But she was distressed that he would always beat her after sex. My own analysis is that when having sex with her he was gratifying his physical urges, but that afterwards he was confronted with his own humiliation at having to copulate with such a "lowly" creature. His beating of her was thus an expression of frustration and self-contempt. I am speculating, but that's what philosophizing is about.